one day.

idea after idea. its kept on going for the past few days.

yesterday, i finished a sketch that created a strange feeling within me...

dare i say it?

i think its hope.

perhaps its the beginning of plans, ambitions....drive.

I feel empowered, guess I just wanted to share that sweet emotion.

below, music keeps me moving.

lana del rey is on my playlist.

a beautiful woman and a cathedral...its painting inspiration handed on a platter.

Love,

Jen

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all paradox and enticing mystery.

thoughts circling round and round in my head as I walk to get my morning coffee:

I) There's a spot right on the bridge over the freeway dedicated to a victim of a hit and run incident. Two broken candle holders stand beneath a mid-size poster presenting the picture of a beautiful girl in her mid 20's; a coy smile on her face. Right above, it reads "gone, but never forgotten". The entire set up unfailingly makes me remember a feeling emerging in my childhood. I feel that ever since I was a little girl, I never thought I would be lucky enough to reach old age. Perhaps everyone has this mentality; a kind of skeptical nature regarding the ability to live close to 90 years on this earth...but at least some people can see parts of it. Having grandchildren, sitting on a rocking chair on the porch, among other cliche things. But Ive never seen it. I always thought that I would die being significantly young...and while that might seem pessimistic, it instead just felt like a reality to adjust to.
weird, i know.
II) I keep wondering about all the things to do for study abroad in the summer, and if everything will actually come together for me. Italy would be beyond amazing. But someone please explain why I'm still thinking about that internship at the Getty here at home...?
III) school. school. school. so many books to get, and so much work to do next week.
IV) ooh, urban outfitters has a sale!

been hoping to find this song. its an absolute favorite now.

Love,

Jen

VIII

excited. stoked. ecstatic.

well, the need to get inked has come back. im sure tattoo shows havent exactly helped.
its been two years since my last tattoo, and im looking to get something bigger now...

the ideas are rolling.


Love,
Jen


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holocene.

last night of the year.
seems like so much has happened, so many changes have occurred and somehow we're about to start the process all over again for a whole new year. \
curiously, i treat new year's eve like I should thanksgiving. my brain goes over the moments that changed the course of my lil life...and I cant help but stop and be thankful in celebrating another 12 months of absolute beautiful chaos.
I learned that my shopaholic tendencies can be controlled, starbucks withdrawals give me serious headaches, and that after all...iphones DO do it better.  :)

but on a more serious note. this year showed me that I have the strength to make amends with some, let go of others, and learn to adore a select few.

So this is to the ones I text everyday, the ones that will laugh hours on end with me while chilling with some hookah, the ones that love shopping as much as I do and even to the ones that dont...haha, to the one who comforted me when I was sick and trembling, to the one that calls to see if I want coffee everyday, to the lil ones who get me tired as hell but leave me with sore cheeks from smiling so much, to the ghosts who have returned, to the ones who put up with my love of crazy socks and alexander mcqueen, to the ones that have let me draw on them on a drunken night, and to the one who keeps me warm at night and holds my hand as we walk the street.

Thank you. You made this year beyond amazing.
Happy New Year.


Love,
Jen


VIII

my old friend, lust.

 c/o: topshop.com
i) Armadillo Eyelet Lace-up Boot- 160
ii) Adorn Leopard Pony Gold Heel- 110
iii) Vectra3 Studded Slippers- 56
iv) Krafty Cut Out Brogues- 110
v) Katrina Pointed Ballet Pumps- 84

I'M HAVING MAJOR SHOPPING WITHDRAWALS. I'm looking at every fashion blog and finding every possible sale online. While all the finds above are from one of my favorites; Topshop...I have an upcoming trip to San Francisco (a.k.a the vintage store sanctuary) and I absolutely could not be more excited by the idea of dragging the boyfriend to go digging for lost treasures ;]

Now if only an accounting final wasn't in the way....

Love,

Jen

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P.s: If anyone is smart, they'll check this blog to see what I want for Christmas.

there's a voice singing loudly on the radio, just for you.

Rediscovered The Swell Season as an antidote for stressful finals.

Worked very well, I must say.

Love,

Jen

VIII

mesmerizing.

Confession: I have a growing fascination with iconic beauty that is deeply tortured and tormented.

I never found myself drawn to the pictures which are so commonly seen around hollywood in forms of postcards or dorm room posters… it all screamed glitzy glamour with a lack of depth. Even as I watched her films, I was more entranced by her charm than the actual storyline.

Slowly, I discovered that I was undeniably intrigued by the persona she developed to enchant the film industry and the audiences as well; she was like the California wildfires that struck the mountains, which everybody stopped to admire, only to realize much later that there was much damage hidden by a breathtaking facade. The deeper I go into researching, the more I find myself staring at pictures of her...just wondering how that luminous smile could hide so much unhappiness and how her eyes could glow while bathing in melancholy. Perhaps that’s what keeps me hooked, seeing such beauty unravel in the greatest of breakdowns. Marilyn became a dream, losing grip on her reality, sinking in disappointment and letting her true self go unwillingly.

what loss.

Love,
Jen



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